1870 Mag

Trouble In Paradise

Spring Breakers share memories that unfortunately last a lifetime.

When one Ohio State student was a sophomore, she and her friends took the classic spring break trip to Fort Lauderdale, Florida, the hot spot for college drinking and trashing beaches with Red Solo cups. She was only 19, but wanted to spend her break like every other student: hammered. So, in preparation, she stocked up on all the fake IDs she could find. She brought two of her own, her 23 year old sister’s old ID and passport, her 24 year old sister’s old ID and passport, and lastly the fake ID of her roommate who couldn’t go on the trip.

“I thought it was foolproof,” she said.

Through one night of visiting three different bars, she did some damage in the tequila department. Each new bar was met with cautionary eyes from bouncers, but she always made her way in.

“I thought I was being smart by not mixing liquors and sticking with one. But you know how tequila is. Pretty stupid in hindsight.” 

She, and her horde of five drunken friends, decided to go to the beach after the bars. That’s when the chaos ensued.

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“We were so obviously drunk, but so was everyone else so I didn’t think it was a problem,” she said. “On the walk to the beach we passed a few police officers patrolling the area. I was skipping around and tripped on a curb.”

The contents of her purse spilled out onto the pavement. She laid on the ground as her friends laughed when an officer came over to see if she was alright. That’s when he noticed five different IDs. She was handcuffed and shoved into a police car. She was released later that night with a court date and a call to her parents. 

“My spring break was cut from eight days down to one. As a 19 year old I thought my life was over,” she said. “I can laugh about it now because it’s been three years. I also made a lot of friends during my 50 hours of community service. Maybe it made me a better person, I can’t say for sure, but it makes for a really funny story.”

Another Buckeye has another happy story from Fort Lauderdale. He and his buddies went down and the trip went surprisingly smooth at first. No one had been arrested, no one had their fake IDs taken away, and there were no trips to the hospital. This is what he describes as “successful.”

“Then came our last day,” he recalled. “We were at a bar, obviously trying to make the most of our last day on vacation. We got super hammered and I was trying to find a bathroom.”

What he thought to be the bathroom was actually a broom closet with one extremely ripped dude giving another extremely ripped dude an enthusiastic blow job.

“I didn’t do anything wrong or say anything to them,” he said. “I just immediately shut the door and basically ran away.”

He told his friends the entire story. Maybe a little too loudly, he added. When they left the bar, he wandered a little too far away from his friends. He was hammered, and he was lost, so he “just kept walking like a drunk idiot.”

“Then, out of nowhere, the two guys from the broom closet find me. I knew I was fucked,” he said. “They proceeded to beat the living shit out of me. A cop found me a little while after and I told him what happened. He kept calling me by the name that was on my fake ID so my drunk ass was completely confused.”

Backup cops were called and ambulance was sent out.

“They didn’t end up finding the guys, which fucking sucked. My nose was completely bashed in and my right eye was swollen shut,” he said. “They fixed my nose and gave me pain meds. Then the cops walked in with my fake ID. They must have felt bad for me because they didn’t charge me with an underage, so I guess that’s one good thing that came of this.”

If he had to give one piece of advice to anyone about to go on spring break it’d be one thing:

“Don’t look in the broom closets.”

Names were left anonymous to protect those for future job prospects and anyone seeking further education.

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Sydney Riddle

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