Listen up, you spooky bitches. I’ll admit it. I am not a fan of pumpkin-flavored things. This may shock some of you, but I hope that we can get past the initial discomfort. Look, pumpkin was not really a part of my diet growing up. I know what you’re going to say. WhAt DiEt, BiTcH? Shut the f*ck up or I will eat you. When I was assigned this piece, I took it upon myself to not go the typical pumpkin-alcohol route. I even went out of my way to share my Hot Toddy recipe so you can impress your girlfriend during autumn break cuddle sessions or whatever it is you do in your dorm, you nasty.
S’MORES YAMMY BY PLATFORM BEER COMPANY
When I was picking drinks for the October issue, I didn’t want to do the old tired pumpkin beer. Little did I know Platform was brewing up a nifty yam beer. If you’re familiar with their Yammy Yammy, you may want to give this one a try. S’mores Yammy takes the sweet potato ale to a whole new level, adding notes of chocolate, graham crackers, marshmallow, and lactose. If you’re not super familiar with sweet potato ales, it may take some getting used to, especially when it comes to its aftertaste. All you need to know is that it has a 7.9% ABV, which means that it WILL get you there. If you’re a fan of pumpkin beers and want to try something in the same family, yet slightly adventurous, (I was going to say a dirty joke about butt stuff but I won’t ‘cause I’m a lady) you should give this beer a chance!
APPLE CIDER HOT TODDY
Picture this: you’re cold as f*ck because you’re in Ohio. Your knockoff Uggs are just not cutting it. The bag of apples you got from the lackluster U-Pick adventure your friends dragged you to is just sitting there. Because you’re extra as fuck, you also have a bunch of apple cider. (Okay fine, it’s because it’s delicious! THERE, ArE U hApPy NoW? I’m basic. FUCK, KAREN.) For the sake of making sure you got all the necessary ingredients, make sure you also have some: cloves, cinnamon sticks, oranges, and Jack Daniels. Now, grab a saucepan. Bring some apple cider to a boil. Honestly, you can eyeball this. I eyeball everything. This is why I’m fat. It is what it is. Anyway, let’s say that you boil about 2-3 cups of apple cider, add the apple slices and orange slices to the boil, throw in some cinnamon sticks and cloves and watch over your concoction like you’re recreating a scene from Hocus Pocus. Turn off the saucepan and pour yourself a mug. (Protip: try to catch the cloves before they fall in your mug!) Now comes the fun part. You know how when you go to an Italian restaurant the waiter comes up to you with a block of parmesan and offers to grate it up for you until you stop them? Top off the mug of hot cider with Jack. As much as you want, friend. Stay warm!