1870 Mag

SATIRE: Frats Get Final Say In Sorority Bid Week Based On Who Looks Good Enough to Attend Their Parties

After two weeks of anxiety, depression and overall sadness and also bid week, the excited sisters finally mark their white boards with pictures of the girls they want to invite into their lives and burn all the others. 

But since women can’t be trusted and may be on their periods that week, as always, we call upon men to step in because they, too, might be impacted by these choices.

“It’s a matter of fairness and equality,” Brett Baker, member of Alpha Alpha Alpha said. “Is it fair that they get to choose the girls that are in their sorority? Yes. But is it equal for us to accept their bids into our homes if they are not aesthetically pleasing, absolutely not.”

The frats said they have been weighing into sorority bids since the second wave of feminism when women were made too fair that it put men at a disadvantage. Luckily, the Women’s March was taking place this weekend giving frat brothers ample time to make the final call while the women are away.

“Will they be upset with the result? Maybe,” Baker said. “But it’s better to have them suffer now than to watch them come to our parties knowing they won’t get hit on by any of us.”

Olivia Balcerzak

Olivia Balcerzak

why can't I put the entire lyrics of bohemian rhapsody in here



The Giveaway

Mary Oyer, the girl I made out with at bulls (2/14). You gave me your number, but you never texted me back :/ this isnt being negative, just saying I was into you.

Forget Ryan Dengler, who was his smokin hot date?

The super cute brunette boxing on Monday (2/18) at around 5 at the rpac…I should’ve asked for your number you are such a badass!

The tallish, I think blonde guy at Taste of OSU with the French Club handing out crepes was so cute! Wish I knew your name.

Someone please take my 6’3″ virginity

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