1870 Mag

SATIRE: 2018 Entrepreneurs Release This Year’s Trend in Resumes

As technology consistently changes to meet modern standards, it is pivotal that interns and new hires keep with the “new” in the hiring process, starting with resumes.

However, the trend in resume-building may surprise you.

“We can see it all via Facebook, Linked-In, Instagram and Twitter,” Brett Butler, CEO of Butler Inc. said. “As a professional in the hiring industry, work experience, education and even volunteer work is all repetitive.”

The result in the spike in social media and virtually unlimited access to information? Butler says, it is a new type of resume.

“We need creativity, we need innovation, we need more,” Butler said. “That is why we are releasing this year’s hot, new resume format as a 4-page spreadsheet portrait of the candidate, dead staring into the camera.”

Butler said the 4-page spread allows the recruiter to look deep into the eyes of the candidate to know if they truly have the passion it takes to work the job with which they are applying. 

This is especially true for the culinary industry, who have sworn by this method for years.

“When looking for the perfect culinary master, it is emanate that they have ‘the look’ we are going for,” said Chic Filah himself. “The bloodshot, hungry and stoned eyes that are slightly lazy with crumbs stuck in their rustled hair and beard with mouth slightly cracked open—that’s how you know they have the grit it takes to work into the night and day.”

 

Olivia Balcerzak

Olivia Balcerzak

why can't I put the entire lyrics of bohemian rhapsody in here

Comments

Mary Oyer, the girl I made out with at bulls (2/14). You gave me your number, but you never texted me back :/ this isnt being negative, just saying I was into you.

Forget Ryan Dengler, who was his smokin hot date?

The super cute brunette boxing on Monday (2/18) at around 5 at the rpac…I should’ve asked for your number you are such a badass!

The tallish, I think blonde guy at Taste of OSU with the French Club handing out crepes was so cute! Wish I knew your name.

Someone please take my 6’3″ virginity

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