College is a time for professional development before you’re actually forced to be professional for, well… forever. That’s why we at 1870 are providing you with all the “professional” ways to get your point across without drawing a flag on the play. Give these phrases paired with their honest translations a go during your next student organization’s meeting and see how you fare. Practice makes perfect!
“As per my last email…”
Because clearly you ignored me the first time, you dumbass.
“To circle back…”
Let’s get back to the reason why we’re here so I can leave early and get tf to happy hour.
“Maybe I misinterpreted what you said before.”
I literally did exactly what you asked for but sure, let’s play this game.
“That’s an interesting idea! Let’s see what [insert superior’s here] thinks.”
That’s the dumbest fucking thing I’ve ever heard but you won’t take my word for it so I’ll laugh while I watch you burn.
“Can you please provide context?”
Can you do the entire job I asked you to do the first time?
“Hey! Not sure if my email is going through.”
My email definitely went through because it’s 2019 you dumbass. Respond. To. Me.
“This is a good start.”
This sucks so I’m going to change every part of it myself until it doesn’t.
“Thanks in advance!”
If you respond to me I’ll die so please let’s just cut the banter and do this thing.
“With all due respect…”
I’m about to roast the f*ck out of your ass.
“Let’s take this offline!”
Your email communication skills are so poor that now we have to spend even more time back-and-forthing until we find a good time to call each other like a damn baby boomer.