With Urban gone, what’s going to happen to block fashion?
Tragedy struck on December 4, 2018. Urban Frank Meyer III, the figure closest to royalty at The Ohio State University, resigned as head football coach. With numerous championship titles under his belt and a cult following of adoring college women, Urban Meyer devastated the university with his announcement of his retirement.
As quickly as his hair grayed to silver fox status, a number of questions arose surrounding his retirement. How will this affect the draft? Will he replace Gene Smith? Is Ryan Day ready to take over as head coach?
Amidst all the unanswered questions about the future of Buckeye football, I couldn’t help but notice a glaring problem in the wake of Urban’s retirement: what’s going to happen to all those Urban shirts at block?
In recent years, blocks have seen numerous transformation in terms of music, alcohol selection, and style. More so than ever, female block attendees have opted to wear shirts that display their affinity towards Urban with pictures of his face emblazoned on the front or slogans, such as, “Urban F*cks”, “Daddy Urban”, or “Daddy’s Home”. Tastefully scrapped and tattered and bleached, Urban-related shirts have permeated blocks and the subsequent Sunday morning Instagram posts.
With Urban soon to be out of the picture, I set out to discover the fate of block apparel.
Block season is the time to display your trendiest and funkiest apparel, which leads me to believe that shirts with any relation to Urban will be obsolete. By next football season, Ryan Day will have taken over as head coach and Urban will soon be a thing of the past like the Mirror Lake Jump and The O (may its memory be a blessing). If an Urban shirt is seen at block, you can assume it to be worn by either a grieving upperclassman or a girl who did not revamp her block wardrobe for the new season. Embarrassing.
At the ripe age of 54, Urban Meyer has achieved “daddy status,” according to his collegiate female following. Urban’s tasteful gray hair and impeccable physique is only enhanced by his successful coaching career, prompting him to become a figure of adoration for Buckeye-loving women.
Urban has set quite the stage for Day to fill, and with little to no attention from block-attending party girls, I can’t help but wonder, does Ryan Day have what it takes to step up as the desirable paternal figure for these forlorn women? Let’s take a look at his stats.
At 39 years old, Day is far too old to be generally attractive to average college women, but still too young to achieve daddy status. There is hope for Day, as Daddy status can be obtained through various accomplishments beyond his physical appearance, but he has big shoes to fill. Day successfully coached Ohio State during Urban’s 3-game suspension, which is promising for Buckeye fans; however, one can only hope the stress of coaching will bring an early onset of graying hair to fulfill Urban’s legacy as a resident silver fox.
As for block apparel, it’s tough to predict what aspects of Day are worthy of recognition. The name “Ryan Day” gives little room for clever phrases to replace those of the Urban-era. It would be easy to read “Ryan F*cks” as a nod to any frat guy named Ryan who partakes in romantic relationships. Moreover, Day’s current physical appearance and newness to the spotlight are more than likely not enough to warrant him a space in the closets of block-attending girls.
Rest assured, there is no need to panic for a lapse in block trends. If there is anything that sorority girls can do, it’s craft. With the wit of a poet and the mind of an engineer, these girls are sure to concoct equally as impressive block apparel to replace the Urban era.
One might wonder, if these self-proclaimed children of Daddy Meyer are to retire their tattered crop tops, where will they go? A trip to Goodwill would prove worthless and rather offensive to patrons looking for practical clothing and who instead find a dilapidated shirt laden with Natty Light stains that is missing a collar, sleeves, neckline, and bottom half.
More than likely, the departed apparel will reside in an abyss of retired college costumes, resting peacefully next to frayed fishnet tights and lopsided bunny ears. Though Urban block shirts may have passed before their calling, they can rest easily knowing they served their purpose of supplying Sunday morning Insta posts and being a reminder of the wearer’s edgy personality.