In the heart of the Short North, across the street from Cbus institutions such as Short North Stage and Magnolia Thunderpussy, sits a storefront which many would pass by without noticing if not for the giant ice cream cone decal on its window: Get CRMD. Before I carry on with my review, I just want to say that there is indeed no happier person than a fat kid with an ice cream cone. WOW. When I got this assignment I almost ran to the store and I do NOT run, friends. So, with all my fatass biases out of the way, Get CRMD is legit.
the space–which sits less than a block north from Good Boy Diner—is huge. the main thing that seems to be lacking is seating space. the store is very much an open space concept. At first, I thought it was modeled after the ‘Instagram Trap’ trend, but co-owner Kristina Duong explained that their renters’ agreement keeps them from setting up seating space. And so, Duong and her husband decided to push the boundaries as much as they could with the space, a fact that is very evident from the moment you walk in. the walls are painted black with on-brand decorations that suit Get CRMD’s suggestive sense of humor. The most infamous of these being the neon sign that reads ‘Lick It Real Good.’
Ohio natives Duong and husband Benjamin Stoyka came up with the Get CRMD concept after living in California for a while. They felt that Ohio was ready to get its boundaries challenged and that Columbus ––with its diverse and young population—was the perfect testing ground.
Their target clientele is open-minded millennials–as well as anyone who can vibe with the store’s concept. I, for one, definitely fuck with it.
Now, I feel like I got sidetracked talking about space and clients and shit. Let’s get back to the ice cream. YO! IT’S SO FUCKING GOOD!!!! the first time I visited Get CRMD was on my way home from the 2019 Festival Latino downtown. It was hot outside. I was exhausted from all the eating I did at the festival. (Fatass first world problems over here, I know. What a fucking victim.) I ordered a Milk & Cereal ice cream topped with Frosted Flakes on a puffle (kind of like an egg waffle). It was delicious. The balance of flavors really stuck with me. The ice cream actually tasted like I was eating a bowl of cereal. The frosted flakes on top brought in an extra element that only served to push the experience to the max. But it wasn’t over yet, because I still had the puffle! By the time I ate the ice cream, the puffle had absorbed some of the melted ice cream, which made it soggy, but still sweet and delicious. The second time I visited, I decided to go for that #FoodPorn pic, so I got a Black Vanilla Ice Cream with dinosaur sprinkles on a waffle cone. Once again, it was delicious and refreshing. This time, the flavors were much more muted, but the dinosaur sprinkles brought in a little more sweetness to the ice cream.
But it’s not over, folks. Oh, no. When I asked Duong what ice cream she recommended our readers try, she hit me with a Vietnamese Coffee ice cream with a chocolate drizzle. It was then that I truly passed away. All my worries faded and I went down a delicious coffee-flavored trip towards death. It was everything.