1870 Mag

Fake News Friday: asteroid aims to erase student debt for college grads nation-wide

You may have heard the news about a 330-foot-wide asteroid just barely missing our planet last Thursday night. Some are calling it a “city-killer” because it had the speed and power to take out an entire city.

Ohio State astronomy student, Nass Uhteleskope, reached out to 1870 to share his story related to the incident. We met for coffee at the Arne Slettbak Planetarium in the astronomy college to gather more info.

“‘City-killer’ my ass,” said Uhteleskope behind a pair of oversized dark shades. “It was supposed to be a student debt-killer.”

I was taken aback at “supposed to be”, as this student sounded so sure the asteroid arrived for a reason. I asked the green-skinned student more about what he knew.

“I know a guy. He told me the asteroid was aiming for the Department of Education in Washington to wipe out all records of student debt. No one else knew what to do to solve the crisis, so this seemed like our best idea–” he stuttered, “–his best idea.”

Before parting ways with the strange student, he roughly grabbed my arm and said, “Don’t follow me,” before gripping his backpack straps and hastily leaving the planetarium. I noticed a tag on his bag that read “Property of Area 51” as he fled.

Due to requests for anonyminity, Nass Uhteleskope is sharing his story with us under a psuedonym.

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Madi Task

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