1870 Mag

Drunk Zodiac: Scorpio Season!

ILLUSTRATIONS BY RYAN CASKEY

It’s Scorpio season, darling! Time for overeating while watching Thanksgiving football, panicking because the year’s almost over, and using Thanksgiving as an excuse to get wasted. November is going to be an emotional month and you can blame it all on the Scorpios (they’re water signs). Stop to smell the pumpkin spice lattes and don’t let anything get to your head. You’ll pull through with the help of these fall themed boozy suggestions.

Scorpio

(OCTOBER 24-NOVEMBER 22)

Passionate, stubborn, resourceful

Oooh baby, you’ve been stressed. Thankfully, this month is going to be the end of a lot of your big commitments. Let yourself have a nice breather, and then make sure you get entirely wasted when your birthday rolls around. Love is not going too well for Scorpios this November. Instead of focusing on romantic drama, rest and relaxation is the goal. Keep it calm and cozy with some Hot Buttered Rum.

Sagittarius

(NOVEMBER 23-DECEMBER 21)

Optimistic, generous, adventurous

This month is going to match Sagittarius’ chaotic energy perfectly. Balance is not the name of the game this month, so be prepared for anything. Stick to the basics and make yourself some Sparkling Autumn Sangria this month. Don’t underestimate the issues that you face. Try to keep yourself healthy and taken care of, so that you have the energy to tackle everything that will be coming at you.

Capricorn

(DECEMBER 22-JANUARY 20)

Independent, disciplined

This Thanksgiving is the time to really focus on those that care about you. Your loved ones support you and it’s time to reflect and be thankful for them. Give back by sharing some Roasted Marshmallow Coffee Cocktail Shakes. You’ve got some excess energy this month. Put it to use. You’ve got all the strength that you need.

Pisces

(FEBRUARY 20-MARCH 20)

Affectionate, empathetic

Ugh, water signs. Y’all are already pretty emotional and this month is going to be no different. Really dive into those feelings. If you’ve got extra cash, spend it on activities that make you happy, (like drinking a Pumpkin Beer Float or two). Dig into your relationships as well this month, but try to be forgiving.

Aries

(MARCH 21-APRIL 19)

Dynamic, competitive

Some choices need to be made, Aries, and you should approach them with confidence and determination. Finances are good, but you have to make time for the people in your life. Take your loved ones out for a classy Apple Mojito. Balance in the workplace and in the home are your biggest challenges this month and should really hold your focus.

Taurus

(APRIL 20- MAY 20)

Dependable, sensual

I know that you’re stubborn, but being a diplomat is really going to be important this month, Taurus. This is not the time to focus on romance, but on your health and on your work. You’ll get some big surprises this month that might encourage you to drink. Take the edge off with some Cider Punch.

Cancer

(JUNE 22-JULY 22)

Compassionate, protective

You’re going to need all of the support that you can get this month, Cancer. You’ve got enough on your plate already, so try to avoid any more stressful situations. Make sure that you keep your emotions under control (an especially difficult task this month) and focus on the good things like the existence of Caramel Apple Martinis.

Leo

(JULY 23-AUGUST 22)

Dramatic, confident

You’re feeling less dramatic this month, Leo. Shocking. Celebrate your inner circle and get introspective. The cold weather is going to drive you inside anyways. Life will be coming at you hard next month, so build up your lionlike bravery with a little liquid courage in the form of a Honey Roasted Pear Sparkling Cocktail.

Virgo

(AUGUST 23-SEPTEMBER 23)

Loyal, analytical

Be extra patient when making decisions this month, Virgo. Emotions are running high and they can burden you if you let them impact your choices. Let karma be your friend this month. Pay it forward by making your friends some Pear Nectar and Thyme Mimosas for brunch. Put your extra cash in savings this month, even if you’re splurging some to make these drinks.

Aquarius

(JANUARY 21- FEBRUARY 19)

Original, uncompromising

Work and family are taking center stage this month, Aquarius. Deepen those relationships and listen when advice is given. You won’t have a lot of downtime this month, unlike a lot of the other zodiac signs. Use some spare moments to make yourself a Bourbon Salted Caramel Milkshake. Thrive.

Gemini

(MAY 21-JUNE 21)

Versatile, curious

A happy month for Geminis is here! Change is coming to fix any bad situations and even out any discord. You won’t really have time to relax until the end of the month, but when you do, enjoy a nice Cider Jack Cocktail. Try to get all issues squared away by the middle of the month, so that you have time to focus on yourself before the end-of-the-year stress.

Libra

(SEPTEMBER 24-OCTOBER 23)

Social, fair-minded

It seems like everyone else knows what they’re doing this month, Libra, while you fall behind. Look at your struggles as challenges to overcome. When the weather gets colder, snuggle up with a book, your significant other, and a couple of Pumpkin Spice White Russians. Your fears are valid, but don’t let them hold you back.

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Cam Deville

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