1870 Mag

Crushed It: The OSU Crush Advice Column

OSU Crush on Twitter is a landscape of love notes, killer one-liners, and sometimes, desperate cries for help. The opportunity to poll a hefty amount of the student body is tempting to those in crisis. That’s why 1870 decided to step in and help out a few of the stragglers looking for a friendly word of advice. Here are some of the most intriguing questions our account got this month, plus our incredibly well-curated advice.

1. “So I like this guy and I’m like 99.9% positive he already knows and all my friends think I should just tell him, but I’m scared of getting rejected or embarrassed…what do I do?

Oof. You’re hand sanitizer-level sure he already knows? He’s a boy not Ebola (e-BOY-la lmao), I say risk it. Shoot your shot. If he rejects you, just moonwalk out of there. Some say, “It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.” Well I say it’s better to shoot your shot and moonwalk away then to never shoot at all.

2. “someone tell me how to get over someone you never dated thx

Activate your imagination and flash forward in your fictional relationship to the point where they annoy you. Imagine you reach the point where the sound of their breathing makes you mad and they eat all of your cereal without asking. Imagine that you get so annoyed with them that you fall out of love and dump them. Boom, you’re over it.

3. “I am constantly going above and beyond for my bf while he doesn’t really do anything for me, just constantly judging and commenting on what I’m doing wrong. How do you make someone care about you?

Dump his ass! Flee to a Greek island and sleep with three guys! Get pregnant! When your daughter gets married, fall back in love with one of her maybe-daddies and express your feelings through the songs of ABBA! It’s called self-care.

4. “I really like a guy friend and sometimes I think he feels the same but wouldn’t he have said something by now if he did??? What do I do ):”

Imagine this: you take him to Olive Garden to tell him how you feel. He feels the same. You eat unlimited breadsticks. You kiss. The entire restaurant is horrified. The cops come and arrest you. “When you’re here you’re family.” You kissed your cousin. Gross.

5. “I’m really terrible at making friends, I’m not really anti-social, but it seems no one is interested in making a new friend, any advice? (relationship too)

College is a great place to make friends, even if you’re not great at it. Talk to your classmates and neighbors! I’ve noticed that friend-making in college reverts to kindergarten rules. Find a stranger, offer them your crayons or (spiked) juice and voila! You just made a friend.

6. “I think one of my guy best friends likes me and has been telling other people, but I have a boyfriend and I’m not into him at all. How do I let him know I’m not interested without looking like the bad guy?

Talk to him one-on-one and be honest. If clear communication doesn’t resolve the issue, then I recommend going to his house and blowing up in his bathroom, if you know what I mean. The magic will be gone, and he’ll get over his crush.

7. “Do girls care if boys are taller than them?

Yes, unless you’re genuinely funny in which case they don’t care.

8. “help! Is it weird that im a 20 yr old female and have never kissed anyone ???

Absolutely not! Life moves at your pace and no one else’s. It’s a little weird that you refer to yourself as a 20-year-old female, but it’s really easy to stop doing that.

9. “How do you shoot your shot with a classmate and not make it weird???

Lots of options here. You could offer to do their homework for them, fail, and then you both have to retake the class together. You could wait until the final and then hit them with this line: “I’m FINAL-ly ready to ask you out. May I take you to Subway?” Don’t forget the “may” I.

The Love Doctor

The Love Doctor

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