1870 Mag

Commencement Highlights

Maybe you graduated but didn’t want to sit for hours listening to people you just couldn’t give less of a shit about, or maybe you’re still in school for another few years and weren’t there because, well, it wasn’t your time.

Either way, here’s a play-by-play on what happened at graduation.

The 2019 graduation class broke school records! With a total of 12,213 degrees given out, this was the biggest graduating class in Ohio State history.

All of the graduate students seemed to be having way more fun than the undergraduates. Although, a couple of my favorite decorated undergrad caps included one with the Spongebob meme that said “wHat Are yOU DoiNg AftEr gRaduAtioN?”, and another that in glitter letters read, “My GPA may not be great but my TITS are”. Anyone know her? I want to worship her. Anyways.

As the camera floated around the stadium, most groups of graduate students had some funny little prop to go along with their degrees. For example, the optometry grads were all wearing pairs of oversized plastic glasses. Get it? Because they’re…nevermind.

John Glenn graduate students had little inflatable rocket ships, because aerospace engineering and public policy go hand-in-hand, obviously. Am I missing something?

Veterinary medicine blew up very long latex gloves, which if you think about it long enough, you will understand what they use those gloves for after graduation. Their gloves were proudly waving through the air like those floppy balloon dancers next to your hometown car dealership.

The guy who was helping tie the American flag to its pole during the National Anthem got absolutely YEETED when the wind caught that thing in the air. I’ve never seen any military personnel in combat, but if this guy can get through being wacked into a metal pole, bouncing back up immediately, and popping up into a perfect solute after tying it all by himself before the end of the song, I’m not too worried about the safety of our country.

The main speaker got laughed at by everyone because his resting face is similar to one of the Cullens (Twilight reference, anyone?)

And he spoke to us about the importance of surrounding ourselves with those who disagree with us and somehow connected that to the importance of public service. I was expecting something a little more, “Go get ‘em, sport!” but honestly I’m just happy I got a degree in the first place.

President Drake sprinkled his speech with a couple well-timed jokes, like when he asked all families who were in the country for the first time to stand so we could welcome them with a warm applause, and then followed it up with, “Many of the people who are in the country for the first time also don’t speak English, so they don’t know what I was saying…but congratulations and welcome to all of you!”

And then they made us sit through all TWO-HUNDRED AND NINETY-FOUR doctoral students receiving their degrees. Like they got to walk on stage when their name was called to get their degree, while all professional and undergraduate degrees were asked to stand when the name of their college was announced to whoop and holler for a job well done. My personal theory is that they do this to convince us all to come back and spend more money on tuition so that one day we can wear the sick academic regalia that doctoral students get.

After that, everyone was just really hot and tired waiting for the degrees to finally be handed out. I personally got two hot dogs (they were only $2.00!) and shed my academic regalia to soak in a little vitamin D. I’m also really going to miss saying academic regalia.

All images are from Ohio State’s live stream of commencement from WOSU-TV, available for viewing here: https://commencement.osu.edu/video.html

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Madi Task

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