1870 Mag

BOO!-ze Juice

Three jungle juice recipes for your next house party.

OG Jungle Juice

Liquor Lineup: Vodka and White Rum

Mixers: Hawaiian Punch, sliced fruit (frozen or fresh)

If you’re new to the drinking game, jungle juice is a mixed drink you can make in bulk for guests to spoon out of a bowl or pour out of those orange Gatorade coolers that remind you of your high school varsity teams (yikes, how times have changed). The key to a good jungle juice is masking the flavor of all that shitty vodka or rum you bought with plenty of sugar filled mixers. This one is relatively simple, but a classic is a classic for a reason. Start by dumping all your alcohol in a large container (coolers are great for this), followed by your sliced fruit, and finally your mixers. There’s no right or wrong way to make this, it just depends on how strong you want your drink. I usually stick to a one bottle of liquor to one bottle of mixer ratio for this, but if you want to throw some extra mixers in, it’s your world and I’m just drinking in it.

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Pink Panty Dropper

Liquor Lineup: Shitty Vodka, 30-rack of cheap ass beer

Mixers: Powdered lemonade mix, frozen fruit concentrate

Think you’re better than beer? You’re not, but you can convince yourself you are with this beer-based twist. This was my personal 21st birthday party choice and a little recipe Pinterest calls the Pink Panty Dropper. Grab a handle or two of Shitty-K (Kamchatka, Popov works too) and dump it into your oversized container of choice with two cans of Country Time Pink Lemonade mix as well as your fruit concentrate juice. It’s dealer’s choice here on your concentrate, but the pink lemonade concentrate is a good way to keep the color pink and dilute the flavor of Shitty-K. Finally, as a house, dump can-by-can a 30-pack of the cheapest beer you can find, and voila, you’ve got your party. The beer is only supposed to give it that fizzy factor, so if you take a drink of this and can still taste the beer, just add some more of your mixers or a little water.

Mariah Carey Jungle Juice

Liquor Lineup: Shitty Vodka

Mixers: Seltzer water, powdered lemonade mix, sliced fruit (frozen or fresh), and La Croix

It’s Friday night and you’re the last of the your roommates to decide to go vegetarian. The next best thing you can do is contribute to the house health-kick with this skinny jungle juice for the weekend party (sponsored by Mariah Carey, the skinny queen). For this healthy hangover, you’re grabbing a handle or two of Shitty-K for lack-of-fucks-given, some seltzer water for fizz, packs of low-calorie Crystal Lite for flexin’, and a few cans of Mixed Berry La Croix because you’re boujee. Same as your classic jungle juice, spruce this bad boy up with chopped strawberries, lemons, and limes. If you really want to get creative, freeze your fresh fruit before adding it in that way your skinny queen juice doesn’t get watered down throughout the night. We can’t control the calories you intake when someone brings up Cane’s after drinking half of this bucket, but we can control the liquid calories prior to this poor (but totally worth it) decision.

As always, jungle juice is a great time, but it can be a dangerous one, too. If you plan to use one of these recipes this Halloween house party season, be responsible and know your limits.

Feature illustration by Ryan Caskey.

Madi Task

Comments

The Giveaway!

The redhead in the Michigan State sweatshirt I sat across from in Thompson today (2/14). If you don’t already have one, I’d love to be your Valentine.

I hate the people that loudly chew their food or smack their gum in the middle of class, I literally hope you get a terrible sunburn, a million paper cuts, and then dunked in a pool of lemon juice

Where are all the cute redheads at?

NOT people who open containers of tree nuts in open places. Seriously, people are DEATHLY allergic to them. Not just if they eat them, but also if they have contact with their oils or she’ll them. If your hungry, open a bag of potato chips. Don’t put a whole population at risk.

The hot redhead chick from the Wendy’s commercials a few years ago

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