If you didn’t catch the season premiere of The Bachelor on Monday, odds are you tasted some of its backwash on Twitter that night. Hannah Ann’s got some nerve, Natasha is the comeback queen, and Hannah Brown is…back?! All I know is that watching some of these girls interact checked me back into the semester real quick, because they all just seemed far too familiar. So without further ado, here’s my list of this year’s contestants as classmates we’ve definitely had before.
The oh-so-kind group member who does the entire group project in one night, the first day it was assigned. She tells you that you can still do whatever part of the project you want, she was just getting a head start on it. (All of it.)
The chillest, most confident girl in line at a house during formal recruitment who says you shouldn’t be so nervous. The chapter is okay, but she’s still excited because her older sister used to be a member so she already knows like, half the girls. “But don’t be nervous, seriously, it’s like, no big deal.” You can’t tell if you should look up to her confidence or despise it.
The girl who raises her hand immediately after an overpowered white guy gives his unsupported opinion, just so she can speak “directly” to the professor while referencing various studies, stats, and academic theories to back up her points. You would stand and applaud her if it wasn’t weird to do in a 100-person lecture hall.
The classmate who always flakes on you for study dates because she’s busy taking care of her roommate who was having a bad night. But don’t worry, she just sent you her entire color-coded and unit-organized study guide for the exam tomorrow. She promises to bring you a coffee in the morning for good luck. (And she does.)
You sat in the back of the class thinking it would be a good one to nap through, only to sit next to this one, who without prompting, begins to share everything terrible that happened to her over the weekend. Some of which include getting “rejected” by a guy who invited her to the next bar but didn’t explicitly buy her a drink, so like, what does that mean? Also, she definitely never explicitly told him that she was interested in him, but like, shouldn’t he just know?
Literally the coolest person to have a class with. Speaks directly with classmates whose ideas she respects and always says things like, “I think _____ made a great point. Going off of what they said,” making you feel like your ideas are as smart as hers. Also rocks a pantsuit that sends everyone into a coma at the college dinner with the dean. Always respects your pronouns. Delegates group projects with ease and takes the hard parts that no one else wants, and tells everyone specifically how great of a job they did on presentation day. (I clearly do not have a favorite contestant yet this season.)
The classmate who easily makes her way into your friend group halfway through the semester because she can hang and clearly has social connections. Doesn’t add much to conversations, but certainly doesn’t take away from them. She’s down for brunch mimosas, Short North shopping, bar trivia, and even Bull’s at the end of the night.
Actively participates in class only to be shot down by the professor every single time. You thought what she had to say was pretty insightful, but with the absolute beating Shiann is taking from speaking up, you decide to keep your thoughts contained in your weekly discussion posts online. You always throw a pity comment on her posts. “Interesting point!”
The fifth-year senior who’s either retaking this class, or had another one with this professor before. You’re not totally sure, but she certainly has a lot of inside jokes with the professor that she comfortably flaunts from her seat in the front row. Somehow is still having breakdowns about whether or not she picked the right major…ten minutes before the final exam.