1870 Mag

Advice From Dad: When Does Someone Deserve A Second Chance?

How do you know when someone deserves a second chance or not? — Pepper.

Hi, Pepper.

If you are talking about what I think you are, the second chance in question here is about a significant other. Second chances are tricky, especially with exes. If you allow them back in, you might get hurt. If you don’t, the “what if’s” will creep into the back of your head and drive you crazy.

There’s no defined time limit or recommendations from a specialist for these types of situations since they are all subjective to both parties involved. But, there are somethings you can ask yourself before you make your decision:

What was the reason things didn’t work last time?

Don’t be simple about this either. If it’s arguments, what were the arguments about? Was there a reoccurring theme in all your conflicts? Or perhaps the relationship wasn’t serious enough. They only wanted sex, or they couldn’t stay faithful. Time can heal wounds, but it can’t change the stripes of a zebra.

Why do you want to bring this person back into your life?

If you truly miss having that person’s presence in your life, perhaps you should reconsider a second chance. But, if that drive to have them back is from loneliness, perhaps not. It’s one thing to miss a person and their love, it’s another thing to search for familiar comfort from an old flame to avoid lonely nights. Lonely nights are tough and rushing into things only makes life more complicated if things don’t work out.

Risk v.s. Reward

This might seem a little shallow, but it’s an important factor to look at. Is the risk of being burned again worth the reward of bringing this person back into your life? As the old saying goes: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

All-in-all, this boils down to if you have seen a noticeable change in the person. I’m not talking “Snapchats me back right away” changes either. The changes need to show they are growing to become a better person because at the end of the day, that’s what we all should be doing anyway.

Hope things work out for you, Pepper. 

1870 Staff

1870 Staff


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