1. TEXT YOUR EX TO SET UP A POST-GAME BOOTY CALL
You’re close to blacking out from your pre-game Block partying, and you’re ready to make some poor decisions. By the grace of Brutus, you’ve actually made it to the game, but you’re belligerently drunk and need a release after screaming for the Buckeyes for the past couple hours. We are in no way endorsing texting your ex (not the best coping mechanism), but hey, if it works for you, you’ll be able to do it with access to WiFi.
2. GET CONDOMS DELIVERED DIRECTLY TO THE SHOW
If you can’t possibly wait until after the game to get your nasty on, don’t fret. There’s no need to make a CVS run; with apps like GrubHub, you can actually get your rubbers delivered right to you. Go ahead and hook up in one of the isolated community bathrooms with ease and peace. You deserve it.
3. TRASH TALK THE OPPOSING TEAM ON TWITTER
Feeling in the school spirit but lost your voice at Block? Feel free to virtually shout your insults online! You can even direct them to a specific player, or if we’re playing TTUN, Jim Harbaugh himself! Get creative with it and start meme-making; the Buckeyes are counting on your demoralizing tweets aimed at the opposition to find the spirit to win the game.
4. TAKE THAT QUIZ YOU FORGOT WAS DUE TODAY
Everyone has been there. You’re standing there, enjoying your morning mimosa and feeling content, when suddenly a wave of panic consumes you. You totally forgot that you have a Carmen quiz due in an hour. Unlike in the past where you would have to dash home to finish it and consequently miss most of the game, OSU came up with a great solution. Now you’ll have the service to finish that quiz while still enjoying the live entertainment of grown men knocking each other to the ground! Ohio State stays looking out for our education.
5. POST THAT PORTRAIT MODE PICTURE OF YOUR BLOCK ‘FIT
We all love an original and cute Block outfit. Usually one would have to wait until the game finishes to post their subtle “‘fit check” Instagram, but it’s 2019. We’ve evolved. Feel free to divert all the attention from the game to your portrait mode group picture at Delt–gather those likes and your ego will be boosted almost as much as it is when the Buckeyes bring home a win.
6. ACTUALLY LOCATE YOUR MISSING FRIENDS
Block can be messy for the best of us. People split up and wander to different parties, some black out and disappear, some need to make a last minute stop at Chick-Fil-A for drunk nuggets. We all make promises to meet up at the game, to no avail. Without service, it was pretty near impossible to locate your missing pals, which was often dangerous, because the opposite of safety is a drunk college kid stumbling around a crowded stadium. However, with reliable WiFi, we should all be able to herd our friend groups together again after getting separated with ease.
7. ORDER ADRIATICO’S FOR PICK-UP AFTER THE GAME
There’s no need to get caught up in the post-game crowd for food. Now you can skip the crowds and grab your five cheese pizza before the hoards of passionate football fans clog up the lines. Make the post-game a yummy one and order your sustenance before everyone else; you definitely won’t regret it.
8. CHECK YOUR EXAM GRADE THAT JUST GOT POSTED TO CARMEN
This one might not be the most appealing of options, but we all know when we get that notification that says our exam grade was updated to Carmen, it’s damn near impossible to resist the urge to check how we did. Checking your grade could either add to your elation, or severely depress your mood and dampen your school spirit. It’s truly Sophie’s Choice, but at least now with good service, you’ll actually get a choice.