1870 Mag

Your Sex Life According to Your Drink Order

Your drink order can say a lot about your sex life and usually it isn’t that great. Sure, you may be a freak in the sheets, but if you’re a man ordering a vodka soda and legitimately drinking it in front of the girl you’re planning to take home, you have already surrendered yourself as the subordinate.

Here are what your drink orders say about your sex life:

Vodka Cran:

If you’re a lady, you are probably going to flirt with a guy the entire night just to tell him you’re “not that kind of girl” and take an uber home alone before crying about how no one will ever love you. If you’re a guy drinking a vodka cran, you’re probably the really close guy friend that’s in the perpetual friend zone who cries with her.

Beer:

Guy or girl, you are no stranger to missionary. Sure, it may be the best missionary of your life, but if you are ordering beer, chances are you are either poor, boring, or a scary mix of the two. Despite the boringness, beer orders do not disappoint because they have all the carbs in the world to keep going.

Unless it’s Corona:

If you order Corona, you’re a pussy who won’t get laid.

Tequila Shot:

Pants are probably off before leaving the bar, but may get distracted fucking a lamp post on the walk home.

Vodka Shot:

“Woooo!” girls looking for a good time and depressed men getting laid off their jobs. Either way, sex with someone who only takes vodka shots will result in crying and instantaneous regret.

Whiskey or Bourbon:

A man or woman who is used to roughing it. No location necessary to rock your world.

Olivia Balcerzak

Olivia Balcerzak

why can't I put the entire lyrics of bohemian rhapsody in here

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