John Mulaney Brings His Big Mouth To The Wex
Comedian John Mulaney will be visiting the Mershon Auditorium at The Wex on Jan. 13 as a part of his Kid Gorgeous tour. As a comedian, actor, producer, and former writer on SNL, he’s kind of the shit. Last time he visited campus last year, he performed in front of a sold-out crowd and shat on The Lantern who gave him great publicity both before and after the event to which Ohio State decided “Hm, we like this man,” and invited him back. The only real reason we are writing about his return is because we hope to also get publicity in the thicket of John Mulaney’s shit.
The Rush Is Crushed
What won’t be happening this upcoming January is the beloved rush of rushing—at least for fraternities. After being canceled by OSU this fall, fraternities will not be participating in the joyful experience of beating the living shit out of poor freshmen who just want to pay for extra friends. Sad! Thus campus will be quiet this January and parties will be minimal. Luckily, drunk girls will not have the chance to not get cold on their way over to their dignity funeral otherwise known as the first frat party of the new pledge class.
Graduate Students Will Be Less Cranky, Thank God
The provision to the original House-Senate tax bill, which would result in graduate students who receive stipends and tuition waivers getting placed in higher tax brackets is no longer in the final version of the tax bill. This basically just means that Trump really wanted to make higher education even more expensive by adding a tax to the graduate students already swimming in debt. Now that it hasn’t been passed, they can still swim in debt but not nearly as deep as was intended this fall. For the Masters students, this means a little less stress. For everyone else this means a lot less stress of having to encounter angry Masters students.
The Benefits of Tying The Knot
Ohio State is kicking off the New Year with new eligibility requirements for same-sex couples to receive domestic partner employee benefits. After the 2015 U.S. Supreme Court ruling legalizing same-sex marriage, the university was able to provide benefits to husbands and wives of employees—regardless of their sexuality. Due to this, Ohio State is changing the rules starting Jan. 1 to require same-sex couples to be married in order to receive benefits such as medical, dental and vision insurance. Faculty and dependents who enrolled in the program prior to Dec. 31, 2017 will get a grace period of the year 2018, but if they are unwed by the time it’s up then they’re screwed. The reasoning for this decision is because, now that same-sex marriage is legal and homosexuals basically share every right that straight people do, it would be unfair to an unwed heterosexual couple who do not share in such benefits. All is fair in love and health benefits, right?