1870 Mag

Satire: OU Students Still Too Drunk To Realize They Aren’t In Rose Bowl Right Now

OU ≠ OU

After rolling out of someone else’s bed alone and naked at 3 p.m. New Years morning, Ohio University students got the enthralling news that OU will be in the Rose Bowl.

Damn near shitting themselves of excitement, the students who returned to campus promptly 1 day after Christmas to get back into the magic of OU hurriedly picked up their things to walk back to their own friend’s house and prepare for the big game.

“I always thought our football team sucked by, heh, guess not,” one student said after 4 straight minutes of silently staring into the reporter’s eyes while drooling and arguably also crying. “I need to start pre-gaming.”

While OU is an abbreviation for Oklahoma University, not related in any way to Ohio University, since no one lives close to Ohio University besides its student body, no one was there to break the news and allowed the drunks to get drunker in celebration of the big game.

“Holy shit the Bobcat looks different in the wintertime,” one student said while watching the game. “Yoooo since when do we wear red?”

In the student’s defense, the referee did call Oklahoma “Ohio” during the coin toss which could get pretty confusing. 

Olivia Balcerzak

Olivia Balcerzak

why can't I put the entire lyrics of bohemian rhapsody in here

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The girl in front of me at the math 1148 final last night with the tattoo behind her right ear

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Not professors who make your finals worth 35% of your grade. And exams are the way you get graded. When people like… t.co/WZizkEkXky

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Girl sitting in the corner at the testing center today around 330, I noticed you trying to hide picking your nose.… t.co/iU3p3frf0n

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The awesome man in Morrison who made a sign that says “You got this” for finals and walks around showing it to all… t.co/mbu1S4N2lT

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Where’s my wife?

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