1870 Mag

Satire: OU Students Still Too Drunk To Realize They Aren’t In Rose Bowl Right Now

OU ≠ OU

After rolling out of someone else’s bed alone and naked at 3 p.m. New Years morning, Ohio University students got the enthralling news that OU will be in the Rose Bowl.

Damn near shitting themselves of excitement, the students who returned to campus promptly 1 day after Christmas to get back into the magic of OU hurriedly picked up their things to walk back to their own friend’s house and prepare for the big game.

“I always thought our football team sucked by, heh, guess not,” one student said after 4 straight minutes of silently staring into the reporter’s eyes while drooling and arguably also crying. “I need to start pre-gaming.”

While OU is an abbreviation for Oklahoma University, not related in any way to Ohio University, since no one lives close to Ohio University besides its student body, no one was there to break the news and allowed the drunks to get drunker in celebration of the big game.

“Holy shit the Bobcat looks different in the wintertime,” one student said while watching the game. “Yoooo since when do we wear red?”

In the student’s defense, the referee did call Oklahoma “Ohio” during the coin toss which could get pretty confusing. 

Olivia Balcerzak

Olivia Balcerzak

why can't I put the entire lyrics of bohemian rhapsody in here

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The Giveaway!

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OSU Crush
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anyone at Pride who had a free hugs sign. i love you

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OSU Crush
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NOT all the guys who discover Nietzsche and think it’s time to turn into a mega dick

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OSU Crush
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there is one thing that has been there for me at my lowest and my highest: pizza rolls. thank you pizza rolls.

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any girl who wants to watch anime with me!

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OSU Crush
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gateway movie theater for being the best place to makeout. just buy tickets to a lame movie and you’re golden

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