1870 Mag

How To: Prepare Your Liver For Cotton Bowl and New Years

After a couple of days spent with family celebrating holiday cheer while chugging 8 glasses of wine counteracted by the 16 cookies and 4 cheese plates you ate while waiting for dinner, it is now time to think about drinking heavily again. This is also known as the Ohio State Cotton Bowl and New Years Eve falling just days apart from one another. 

Here is how you can prepare your liver to take on these important days without a hospital visit.

  1. Visit the hospital to see if they have any suggestions for how to pre-line your stomach for a waterfall of hard liquor. Precautionary measures are important in medicine, so there’s no doubting that if you told them you are planning on binge drinking for the next 96 hours straight because you’re lonely and like football, they’ll have something for you.
  2. Chug gatorade this week almost to the point that you flood your lungs but not yet there. 
  3. Eat things that are anti-inflamitory 
  4. Go to Whole Foods for once in your life and buy all that organic shit so your liver is happy going into its slaughter. 
  5. Buy liver boosting supplements to wash down with alcohol.
  6. Exercise. I know New Years is not for a couple of days, but get a jump start on your resolution by placing foot in an actual gym for once. 
  7. Give it a pep talk, pray and hope for the best. 
Olivia Balcerzak

Olivia Balcerzak

why can't I put the entire lyrics of bohemian rhapsody in here

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