1870 Mag

Places on High Street to Hide After your Fake Gets Denied and the Cops Actually Care

It’s nearly the end of the semester and you have exams, so it’s prime time for the police to decide that they want to take this opportunity to ruin your life before you go home for the summer. This means instead of hanging out with the friends they’ve made who also happen to be the bouncers at Bullwinkles, they will ACTUALLY be checking your ID’s as you flock to ratchet bars to avoid getting caught. You’ve spent the past year forgetting your fake address, zipcode and can’t even pretend like you know the capital of Illinois now. Luckily for you, once you accidentally pull out your real ID as second form for your fake and the cops inevitably decide that’s bad now, there are plenty of places down High Street to hide from them. Here are just a few.


  1. The construction outside of Too’s: Hop over that enclosed fence area when the Too’s sidewalk becomes not a thing anymore and they will have no idea where you went. It may take a while to get back to civilization, but a waist-high fence is the perfect way to separate yourself from the fuzz in a way they won’t ever be able to see.


  1. Buckeye Donuts: If the stereotype is true, go into Buckeye Donuts and you won’t be their main concern anymore.


  1. Hangout with a homeless person: Jump on in with them on the streets of High. They’ll love the company and your wallet close by and you’ll love getting pic-pocketed instead of arrested!


  1. Dorms: The cool OA’s know what it feels like to run from police and will have your back entirely if you just hop over their desk and hide for a while. It’s something they learn in training, I think.


If you’re really that worried, maybe try talking it out with the police, there’s nothing a great conversation cannot solve!


Olivia Balcerzak

Olivia Balcerzak

why can’t I put the entire lyrics of bohemian rhapsody in here


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