For the seniors and fifth-years on-campus, many of you know what it’s like to experience the rush of freezing cold, bacteria-ridden water splashing on your body during the infamous Mirror Lake Jump. As for the rest of us, Mirror Lake Jump is a relic of the past, a tradition quickly fading into the dark.
And to be honest, that’s okay. Change doesn’t have to be a bad thing, and we’re trying to make sure that this changing of traditions is the best it can be. We’re throwing darts at the wall hoping one of these traditions sticks so if you have an alternative, shoot us a tweet at @1870mag! Here’s what our writers are dreaming up as the next replacement for Mirror Lake Jump.
Fred Beekman Park Pond Jump
So, Mirror Lake is disgusting and freezing, but that never stopped us. What’s to stop us from jumping into another (probably equally freezing and gross) artificial body of water on campus? Drink a few beers, wear your shittiest spirit costume and yell “FUCK MICHIGAN” at anyone who walks past you on the way to the pond. Bonus points for showering in the fountain (if it’s even on).
Sure, Fred Beekman park is probably more out of the way than heading to Mirror Lake, but the Mirror Lake Jump is a tradition that deserves to continue. You could always jump in a different body of water like the Olentangy River, but the benefit of the Fred Beekman Park Pond is that it’s all artificial and probably a little cleaner than jumping in the Olentangy. — TJ Neer
The South Oval Slip-and-Slide
It’s wet, it’s wild, and most importantly there is no risk of E. coli! The only difference is you’ll be rolling in suds instead of pond scum. We’ll lay out a large tarp and give it a hardy dose of water and soap. Scream “GO BUCKS!!” As you zip past your peers at the speed of light. Perhaps it’s a bit old-school, but isn’t that the point of tradition? All this with the convenience of location at the South Oval, so we can scorn the new Mirror Lake as we slide our worries away, not to mention, this way Afro Duck can still be in attendance. — Katie Cook
Campus-Wide March Culminating In A Seance Summoning The Ghost of Woody Hayes On The Oval
Hear me out here—this operation’s got a lot of moving parts, but I think if we do it right it just might catch on. We’ll need a ouija board, war paint, a giant wooden wolverine-shaped pyre (think Burning Man), a torch, a piece of Woody Hayes’ hair, Jim Tressel’s sweater vest, a feather from Afro-Duck, a lot of Natty Light, Urban Meyer, and all the freshmen’s new iPads.
West Campus—you got the short end of the stick—you start at Morrill Commons at 8 a.m. sharp. You are all expected to be hungover, so don’t you dare show up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed—that goes for North and South Campus as well. At 8:30 a.m., West Campus will march north along Cannon Drive in full Buckeye war paint and then east down Woodruff. North Campus—you’ll report to THE Tom W. Davis clock tower at 8:45 a.m. West Campus will pick you up and you’ll continue down Woodruff and turn south on College Road. Fight songs and general ballyhoo will crescendo as North Campus joins the march. South Campus—the people’s campus—you’ll arrive at the Ohio Union at 9:00 a.m. When you hear North Campus and West Campus coming—and they better hear you coming, North and West—you’ll march north along College Road and meet them at the east end of the Oval.
Off-campus people, you’ll be waiting for them at the construction fences. You are to administer ONE Natural Light to each student (upon presentation of a BuckID and ID) and TWO Natural Lights for every freshman’s iPad offered as a sacrifice. After all iPads have been collected and placed in the wolverine-shaped pyre along with Woody Hayes’ hair, Jim Tressel’s sweater-vest, and Afro-Duck’s feather, and as the hoopla reaches its fever pitch, Urban Meyer will emerge and reveal himself as a stranger in the crowd. He’ll trade his clipboard for the ouija board, light the wolverine with his torch, and really get this show on the road. If all goes according to plan, this translates into a big win and
a cherished tradition. — Kevin Keaton
Although these alternatives are fun, they are also for entertainment purposes. Don’t do anything illegal, and don’t hurt yourself in the process. Be safe, and beat Michigan, y’all.