1. “Baby It’s Cold Outside” by Dean Martin
At first listen, you think, “Wow, this is a sweet and simple Christmas song. Dean Martin is Good!” But, after you look up the lyrics you realize this might be the creepiest song ever. LET THE POOR WOMAN LEAVE, DEAN, STOP FEEDING HER MYSTERIOUS DRINKS AND TELLING HER IT’S COLD OUTSIDE.
2. “Little Drummer Boy (Remix)” by Justin Bieber
Look, I’m the first to admit that Bieber’s album “Purpose” was killer. I loved it. But no one, and I mean literally no one, asked for this remix that includes a rap feature from Busta Rhymes and chaotic EDM beats.
3. “Funky, Funky Christmas” by New Kids On The Block
“New Kids On The Block had a bunch of hits…” besides this one because this is an absolute trainwreck that features a horrid rap segment and a solid minute and a half long intro of some shitty beat with “Have a funky, funky Christmas!” being said repeatedly.
4. “Have A Cheeky Christmas” by The Cheeky Girls
Britain has given America so many great musical artists like The Rolling Stones or The Beatles, but we are going to have to put a return to sender stamp on The Cheeky Girls’ Christmas album.
5. “Please Daddy Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas” by John Denver
Holy shit, if you thought the title of the song was dark, wait until you hear the lyrics. “Mamma smiled and looked outside the window. She told me, ‘Son, you better go upstairs’ then you laughed and hollered ‘Merry Christmas.’ I turned around and saw my mamma’s tears.”