1870 Mag

Life Hacks: Terrible Ideas For Dealing With Stress That You Will Do Anyways

Among this series of great advice for dealing with stress, is the acceptance that you will probably disregard most of the article and continue doing terrible things that add to your stress and make you an even sadder boy. 

But I guess the first step to recovery is to recognize a problem so here is a list of all of the terrible things you are bound to do when feeling stress so you know:

-Tell all of your friends you feel stressed turning it into a competition and consequently losing all of your closest friends because you cannot have a conversation with them without telling them that their life/career path/major is a ‘joke.’

-Get really angry and decide to go out in public to get coffee and slander the barista for everything that she is because dark roast had 30-seconds left of brew time but you already boiling. Then sit down feeling like a shitty human as you see a tear stream down her face whilst talking with the elderly white man behind you who is about to do the same thing. Not because he’s stressed, but just for the hell of it.

-Watch 3-straight hours of porn you aren’t really that into because you’ve seen every season you do like at least three times.

-Sing in the shower and get out to realize that your voice is actual shit and you should stay in a shower for the rest of your life. 

-Accept a dry, uninterested hand job from someone on Tinder.

-Eat a lot of food you told yourself that you wouldn’t eat and feel bad about yourself.

-Listen to the playlist you made when your 8th grade lover broke up with you and then get drunk and text them a meme you’ve had on your phone for the past six months now because you’re nostalgic and have no self control.

-Tell your high school friends you miss them in a group chat to which they will ‘like’ your message because you can do that now and do nothing to remedy the fact that you guys haven’t seen each other anymore.

-Call your mom and immediately regret calling your mom.

-Cry in a public place.

-Insult children.

-Insult their parents after their parent tells you to not insult their children.

-Contact an old friend to see if their life has turned out to be as shitty as yours. They text back immediately saying their life is great now so you proceed to not respond.

-Google “does weed show up on drug tests” before deciding it’s not worth it.

-Plan a trip even though you know you will flake on yourself.

-Go to the gym and severely injure yourself on the machines and call it ‘sore.’

-Email your professor with the subject line “wtf becky.”

-Scream “WE DIDN’T LEARN THIS” into the abyss.

Olivia Balcerzak

Olivia Balcerzak

why can't I put the entire lyrics of bohemian rhapsody in here

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