1870 Mag

How to Win Your White Suburban July 4th Party

If you are a white, suburban upper to middle class family, you know the struggle of consistently having to prove yourself via your holiday parties.


July 4th especially is a crucial time to prove both that you are not only the most patriotic in your neighborhood, but also that you have the most friends and family, barbeque and soundtrack to create the ultimate good time.


Here are some ways to amp up your white, suburban 4th of July party to impress your neighbors and make their guests wish they were at your house:


  1. Add more Maroon 5 to your 4th of July playlist
  2. But also make sure to have “Hang on Sloopy” on there
  3. Have a continuous dad on the outdoor grill, even if there is too much food already, never stop grilling something.
  4. Make sure at least 2 of your guests show up in a pant suit from coming “right from work”
  5. Cornhole
  6. But also badminton
  7. Have an unnecessarily large tent with very few tables and no places for anyone to sit
  8. Pretend it’s a potluck, but if Betty dares brings a dessert that looks better than yours, hide it
  9. Make sure the cutest pair of young siblings are wearing matching outfits
  10. Mayonnaise



Olivia Balcerzak

Olivia Balcerzak

why can't I put the entire lyrics of bohemian rhapsody in here



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