Waffles are clearly the greatest breakfast of all time. Try to think of anything warm and crispy on the outside and soft on the inside that isn’t fucking amazing; tater tots, falafel, churros, cookies and french fries basically make the world go round. But waffles come out on top because of their complexity. They have sweet elements, savory elements, crispy elements, and soft elements. It’s like the best aspects of any food came together to create the most delectable breakfast option ever.
I have a waffle iron and I can make any type of waffle at my discretion, whenever I want. And it’s a treat every time. Blueberry waffles? Basic, but a classic. Chocolate coconut waffles? Sign me up. Drunkenly-concocted waffles at 3 a.m.? Hell yeah, I might even throw some wine in that batter.
Also, waffles are easy as hell to make. You don’t have to flip that shit, or keep an eye on it, unlike their high-maintenance cousin, pancakes. Pancakes require too much care and attention, and no college student needs that shit in their life. Just pour the batter in the waffle iron and it does all of the work for you. It’s basically like living in “I, Robot,” except your waffle iron would never use its powers to try to kill you.
“Blueberry waffles? Basic, but a classic. Chocolate coconut waffles? Sign me up. Drunkenly-concocted waffles at 3 a.m.? Hell yeah, I might even throw some wine in that batter.”
Have you ever had under-done pancakes? Or worse, burnt pancakes? Or WORST, attempted to make pancakes yourself and it just turns into a sticky mess in the pan for no reason? That’s fucking gross. But not waffles. In this advanced age of technology, waffle irons are often made to withstand even the stickiest of batters. And, waffles will always cook to perfection as long as you take them out once the waffle iron indicates they’re done, which is the easiest task ever. As a vegan, my batter can get pretty experimental, but even my cheap-ass waffle iron always comes through.
Toppings make or break a breakfast endeavour. Pancakes and waffles are similar in topping options—syrup, butter, whipped cream, and fruit are go-tos for both for good reason. No waffle or pancake is complete before toppings are added. However, it takes about five seconds for pancakes to absorb all that syrup and butter, rendering them soggy and inedible. Waffles, however, have a crispy outer texture that deflects moisture, kind of like a Nike Dri-FIT shirt, but their convenient shape allows them to catch all of those toppings and nestle them lovingly as that syrupy, buttery goodness makes its way from the plate to your mouth.
Pancakes are simply sad waffles. Waffles have texture, they’re fun and full of life, and I hate to call out my fellow brunch babe, but Ghezal is on the wrong end of this breakfast brawl. Waffles truly have it all, and pancakes are just a shadow of what a tasty pastry-like breakfast should be.
In a timeless breakfast debate, a champion has yet to be crowned—until now. A pancake is a waffle’s hot, older sister—the one all your high school guy friends drool over. I could list hundreds of reasons why pancakes are superior, but I’ll just make this simple and go with a few of the best ones.
Probably the most important aspect of a pancake is its fluffiness—waffles just can’t attain the same texture no matter how great your grandma’s recipe is. Pancakes are like little breakfast pillows, and sometimes they’re so fluffy and full of love I have to resist the urge to fall asleep right there on my plate. You just can’t use a waffle as a pillow. If you tried, all those crevices would just make it uncomfortable.
It’s unanimously agreed upon that stacking pancakes is the best and only way to properly eat a plate full of flapjacks (I’d also like to point out that waffles don’t have any nicknames, especially one as great as flapjack). For me, the best thing about stacking pancakes is the syrup drip, it’s definitely worthy of an Instagram boomerang—providing the best ~aesthetic~ and morning enjoyment. You just can’t stack a waffle—if you do, it’s uneven, the syrup just gets stuck in the cracks and the bottom waffle gets way too soggy to eat.
“…pancakes can be made in so many shapes for any occasion. Trying to get some lovin’? Heart-shaped pancake. Morning after a bachelorette party? Dick-shaped pancake. Waffles are just circles or square, they’re all pretty much the same, kind of like sorority girls at block.”
In terms of add-ins, pancakes are much easier to work with. Sure, waffles are good with chocolate chips or blueberries, but the consistency in a pancake is unmatched. You also don’t have to go for basic flavors, I’ve personally experimented with matcha pancakes, carrot cake pancakes, and red velvet pancakes and the taste is always great—waffles, not so much. The toppings get soggy, there’s never a consistent amount of chocolate or fruit throughout, and the execution never looks as aesthetically pleasing.
The fun never ends with pancakes. Unlike waffles, pancakes can be made in so many shapes for any occasion. Trying to get some lovin’? Heart-shaped pancake. Morning after a bachelorette party? Dick-shaped pancake. Waffles are just circles or square, they’re all pretty much the same, kind of like sorority girls at block.
To finish this off, let’s talk culture. Pancakes are universally eaten in every part of the world. The best part is how every culture has created its own spin on the traditional pancake. The French have crepes, the Germans have Dutch babies, Eastern Europe has blinis, the Japanese have Okonomiyaki—whether you like sweet or savory, there are so many options. With waffles, variety is pretty much limited to toaster Eggos or Belgian waffles.
I think I’ve made clear how much pancakes mean to me. No matter what diet you follow, there’s some pancake out there you can eat—yes, even if you’re vegan, Sara. There’s no competition here, pancakes are always better than waffles. @ me next time.