1870 Mag

Drunk Zodiac Signs: Fall Edition

Mercury is in retrograde, the stars are aligning, and I have no clue what I am talking about. I can’t tell you how your month is going to go down based on the placement of the moon and stars, but I can try and find a new boozy beverage to fit your Zodiac Sign each month. Whether you’re an emotional Cancer or a fiery Aries, here’s the drinks you should put down when the night sky stars line up.

Scorpio

Illustration by Ryan Caskey.

(October 23-November 21)

This is it! This is your MONTH, but the cold weather has you feeling a little gloomy. You look like you could use a warm pick-me-up, and what better way than a cup of hot buttered rum? The rum mixed with the butter and the hot cider will warm you right up and make you feel invincible.

Sagittarius

Illustration by Ryan Caskey.

(November 22-December 21)

Christmas is around the corner but first, you have to survive the awkward family Thanksgiving dinner. When grandma starts throwing shade about millenials ruining the world as we know it, excuse yourself from the table and kick back a nice apple cinnamon margarita. The pop of the cinnamon drink should match your fired-up environment.

Capricorn

Illustration by Ryan Caskey.

(December 22-January 19)

The full moon is here and you are feeling accomplished as hell after acing that exam at the beginning of the month. Good for you, you responsible one. Why don’t you celebrate a little with a nice pumpkin ale? May we recommend Wolf’s Ridge’s Oktoberfest or Sideswipe Brewing Squashing Pumpkins?

Aquarius

Illustration by Ryan Caskey.

(January 20-February 18)

You’re feeling a little bit antsy and like some may-hem is due. Round up your closest friends to fight off the bad vibes and keep the bad vibes away with Paloma. This tequila-based drink is served with grapefruit soda which is just the extra special treat you need to boost your mood.

Pisces

Illustration by Ryan Caskey.

(February 19-March 20)

Have you been feeling a bit tense lately, Pisces? Perhaps the midterms didn’t go quite as planned? Let those concerns go and enjoy your time with your friends or family with a white grape and cranberry mimosa. It taste like Thanksgiving, but with less political arguments.

Aries

Illustration by Ryan Caskey.

(March 21- April 19)

Damn, Aries! Things are Going. Your. Way. Your grades are good and you’re feeling yourself. Why not treat yourself to a cranberry gimlet? It’s essentially a cosmo with a cranberry twist. Perfect for when you want to be your best bougie self.

Taurus

Illustration by Ryan Caskey.

(April 20-May 20)

Taurus, let’s talk. How are we doing, boo? Is life kicking you in the ass? Go to the nearest bar and grab yourself something simple yet classic: a whiskey on the rocks. We get it. Sometimes change hits you in the face and you just need some whiskey.

Gemini

Illustration by Ryan Caskey.

(May 21-June 20)

You’re doing all the things. You might even be feeling a little burned out. What if I told you that an apple cider sangria is exactly what you need to go to your happy place? Use this as an excuse to hit up some apple orchards or farmers market and let out some stress while you do it. You deserve a break.

Cancer

Illustration by Ryan Caskey.

(June 21-July 22)

Cancer, it’s been one hell of a month. You’re busy but you’re managing to stay on top of everything. Celebrate with a cranberry and cinnamon whiskey sour. It’s a mouthful to order but it’s a damn good drink that will be your perfect companion as you take on the rest of the semester.

Leo

Illustration by Ryan Caskey.

(July 23-August 22)

Leo, fall is coming and you are feeling some changes coming. We know how much you love the expensive side of life, and we wouldn’t recommend anything cheap to you.That’s why an old fashioned is the drink for you this month. It’s classic (by classic, I mean expensive) and you look boujee drinking it.

Virgo

Illustration by Ryan Caskey.

(August 23-September 22)

Virgo, let’s loosen up a little bit. Don’t rush to your couch and electric blanket to binge a show on Netflix. Go out, get a drink. While you’re at it, order an apple and gin, a fall twist on our classic gin and tonic. THEN you can go crawl under a blanket.

Libra

Illustration by Sarah Moore.

(September 23-October 22)

Alright libra, we’ll level with you. You need a cleanse. Get out your lighter and your sage. It’s time for a new beginning.Things are going to start falling into place, we promise. When they do, celebrate with an apple cider Moscow mule. This gentle drink will match perfectly with your gentle, beautiful self. Salud!

Nicole Pizarro

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