1870 Mag

Blue Jackets Don’t Suck! Watch a Game Before They Suck Again!

Remember the days that the Blue Jackets were just a cute little hockey game where big dudes ran each other into a wall while sliding around on ice? Well this season, things got different and Nationwide ACTUALLY filled most of their seats without having to hire a weird pop singer to perform in the arena.

Because we’re only fans of teams when they start getting good (except for you, Browns fans), the Jackets game is a perfect place to watch your recently decided favorite hockey team perform some sick goals and get some tasty food at half time, or before the third quarter!

People are also flocking to the play-off games now because we really like to watch the second worst team from Pittsburg kick our asses while getting drunk and spilling Skyline Chili on the person in front of us. We are still unsure why everyone booo’s Dubinsky, shouts “NO!” at the guy who sings the national anthem and yells HURRY at every game against the Penguins, but regardless, we really like the opportunity to scream “give it to him!” “hit him with your stick!” and “get it in there!” at players, while sending subliminal messages to the date we brought to the game about what should happen afterwards.

The Jackets will be playing tonight as potentially their last game in the playoffs against the Pittsburg Penguins. Win or lose, you’ll have a great time because you’ll be drunk and if they win, Columbus can be justified in getting drunk on a Tuesday night and if they lose, Columbus has another reason to blame the referees for unfair calls when no one really knows the rules of hockey.

Olivia Balcerzak

Olivia Balcerzak

why can't I put the entire lyrics of bohemian rhapsody in here

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