1870 Mag

The Best And The Booziest: Ohio State Wins Them All

Bold, brave, and drunk as hell.

While Ohio State may not get the chance to get fucked by Clemson with the slight glimmer of hope for a national title—its fans have made leaps and bounds this season. Let’s take some time to reflect.

As already reported, Ohio State fans won best fans in the land proving what they already know and allowing Ohio State to be even more obnoxious in the coming season to fulfill such a prestigious title.

However, The Lantern reported that Ohio State is also boozier than in the last, racking $1.35 million in total net revenue from 2017 beer sales. 

While this number may be comparable to the amount Bullwinkles makes per weekend from underagers inhaling $4 vodka cranberries, it is still impressive as last year the sales only profited $1.16 million.

These numbers don’t even include underage students scared shitless to use their fake in the Shoe as it may ruin their possibility of going to future games and disrespect Urban Meyer.

On top of that, the money Ohio State has made has increased security on game day leading to an increase in arrest inside the stadium probably from someone drunk enough to pay $8 per tall Budlight. This just means Ohio State can expand its base of fans to jail, creating even more school spirit. Amazing.

So let’s raise a glass to being the booziest, best damn fans even if our team is only going to the Cotton Bowl. 

Olivia Balcerzak

Olivia Balcerzak

why can't I put the entire lyrics of bohemian rhapsody in here

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