1870 Mag

14 Thoughts You Have While Waiting in the Omelet Line at Scott Dining Hall

It is 12:20 p.m., class just let out and your heart starts to beat out of your chest as you sprint-walk out of the classroom and over to Scott House for your daily treat: a Scott omelet. The fanciness of enjoying an omelet at any time of the day far beats the alternative of bagged scrambled eggs and fried chicken nugs that you dipped in maple syrup, thinking it was French toast for too damn long. You are a classy bitch and if there is one thing you have control over in your diet it’s this motherfucking omelet. And so you get in line.

Here are 10 thoughts you will have over the course of the line:

 

  1. Fuck the line is long, I’ll probably make it to class on time.
  2. DAMMIT DO NOT FUCKING SWITCH SHIFTS HONEY YOU WERE FLIPPING OMLETES SO QUICKLY AND I KNOW THIS BITCH CAN’T DO IT LIKE YOU DO
  3. Why does the guy in front of me smell like meat
  4. Why is this bitch being so skimpy with toppings
  5. Should I just try the weird vegan station for an omelet? Fuck that, I want meat.
  6. Will people judge me if I get egg whites and then two types of cheeses?
  7. Gahdamn, that’s a lot of fucking oil on that omelet
  8. I hope this one asks if we want salt and pepper so I don’t have to ask
  9. That pan is definitely not clean enough to make another omelet but okay
  10. There is omelet juice all over that mans face, or is that sweat?
  11. Would they notice if I left and got some granola and came back?
  12. WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO EGG WHITES?

 

Olivia Balcerzak

Olivia Balcerzak

why can't I put the entire lyrics of bohemian rhapsody in here

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