1870 Mag

10 Tailgate Beers and What they Say About You

Of the many game day decisions you make, i.e. who to party with, what to wear, how much bread you should eat before 9 am etc…deciding on what beer to buy can be by far the most stressful. Do you base your choice on what your bank account says, how much you’re willing to share, what you and girlfriend want or simply how to best achieve maximum drunkenness? A glass window in the refrigerated section is now the only thing that separates you from having the ultimate weekend.

Keystone: 4.1%/ -$ Its not called being cheap, its called being frugal. What you lack in funds you don’t lack in self-confidence and this beer is 40 cents a can. Let’s be honest, you did the math.

Natty Light: 4.2%/ -$ You’ve been drinking it for years so who cares about your digestive track this beer is your go to. Sharing is caring. Beer pong, flip cup, dizzy bat you name it, with quantity over quality you’ll be sure to supply the key component to any drinking game.

Busch Light: 4.1%/ $ You miss drinkin’ with your ol’ man in your small town. Nothing like rollin’ up to a tailgate with some good ole boosh, emphasis on the oo. Plus the fall cans make it kind of cool, right?

Miller High Life: 5%/ $ Alas, “The Champagne of Beers.” Nothing is too good for you. You frequently use the term “ballin on a budget” just like you frequently try to look fancy will drinking cheap beer in a champagne shaped glass.

Coors Light: 4.2%/ $ You’ve graduated in beer terms but still haven’t graduated college. Drinking Coors with your buddies and your girlfriend on a weekly basis could never get old. Who cares if you’re a super senior, the ice-cold mountains on the can show up before your degree ever does.

PBR: 4.7%/ $ When someone asks, “Who’s PBR is that?” you proudly say mine because clearly, you are super cool. The colors on the can go great with your vintage outfit that costs 5x times more than the rack of beer you just bought.

Bud Light: 4.2%/ $$ The iconic beer, perfect for any Instagram post. You’ve really made it in life when you show up with the $8/beer you’re about to buy in the stadium.

Redd’s: 5%/ $$ “I don’t like the taste of beer, I only drink liquor, unless its cider.” You aren’t looking to share, you just want to fit in and be able to party with the best of them. Who cares if you only end up drinking three bottles, it only takes two to be “soooooo drunk.”

Seasonal Craft Beer: 5.9%/$$$ Trying new things is your forte. As ice-breakers go, seasonal craft beer is something everyone wants to try. You don’t really know what you’re talking about when describing this beer, so it’s a good thing the colorful label and novel long description are handy in sight.

IPA: 5.5%>/$$$ This isn’t your first rodeo and the only thing you fear is fear itself. A bitter IPA warms your heart day in and day out. It’s an acquired taste, but you drink it like a champ.

Jill Schwendenmann

Jill Schwendenmann

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To the girl I helped every Monday afternoon in the MA010 tutor room you are real cute and I hope you did well on your 1148 Final

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To the girl I dance with at bulls that had fish nets on under her rip up high waisted jeans, I wish I woulda got yo… t.co/qn8oB18sNs

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Thursday Dec 14th. Girl with glasses sitting by dressing rooms at Clothing Underground while me and my friends look… t.co/vlohAiMCtP

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Mikayla from the osu snap story whose laptop caught on fire…can I take you out since your date cancelled on you???

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Amlan from physics 1250, hot damn

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